Just me taking the piss out of some JW propaganda because I don't like that the Watchtower is harboring pedos.

4 min read

I got a letter from Jehovah’s Witnesses!

Or, rather, my dad got a letter from JW, because why send the letter to the whole family when you can send it directly to the one who matters?

Or maybe he didn’t, cause the address sticker has some really weird errors. For one thing, they spelled his/our[1]Edit: The typing shortcode I had here before has broken. I will be updating all instances of it to reflect this. Apologies. last name wrong.

We have the same last name, so I’m not sure how to phrase this. Grammar is weird.

They also seem to think that my dad has two middle names. Like, it’s put “John M Middlename Doe” on the envelope. I’m not sure if whoever sent this is under the impression this is how one should format a middle name on a letter or if they’ve recorded my dad in whatever files they may or may not have with two middle names. Either way, it’s very wrong.

Enough about the envelope, what’s in the letter itself?

A letter written with the Bradley Hand font that comes with Word.
A letter written with the Bradley Hand font that comes with Word.

Transcript and responses below:

Hello Comrade.

That is quite the question. Hmm… I would have to argue that we are the cause of our own suffering as we are cognizant enough to perceive it… but I doubt that’s the answer you were hoping for.

Plot twist: The cause of all evil was the bible the whole time! Dun dun duuuun!

But seriously, though. Why do so many uber-religious people think that no one but them has heard of the basic tenents of Christianity? It’d be one thing if they were telling us about how they think armageddon is right around the corner or anything beyond “Yo, what if the devil was behind evil? You ever thought about that?” but nooooo.

No, he’s just going to kill everyone who didn’t gamble on your religion during the end times with fireballs and shit.

Fun fact: the bible[2]Should this be capitalized? Whatever. I’ve got on my bookshelf is one I stole from a motel because that specific one also provided a Book of Mormon, which I also took.

I’d recommend you check out Telltale Atheist‘s YouTube channel, as I find it more informative.

Because the Watchtower is in desperate need of money from racking up fines from the government for withholding the names of pedophiles in their congregations.

Did they include anything else?

Yup.

Below I’ve included my annotated pamphlet displaying the evils of operatic priests, puppeteers, and politics, among other things. They also included a smaller pamphlet, but it had information on the specific location and how to go to meetings and stuff and not really worth riffing on.

Enjoy!

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